Outlander

FUCKING BRACE YOURSELF...

… BECAUSE ONCE YOU HIT THAT START BUTTON YOU’LL BE ALL OVER THIS ROAD THE FUCK IN HALF.

But then what?  You drive.  You drive and guys in motorcycles drop explosives in front of your car and try to ram you and you can shoot them in the face (the fuck in half) with a shotgun out your window or you can push them into wood barricades that make them explode (the fuck in half).  It’s like Road Rash only you’re in a car and it has a machine gun on it.  Which doesn’t seem fair?

vroom (the fuck in half)

That’s it.  You’ve seen the game.  In those two screenshots.  Aside from the shooting out the window thing because do you know how hard it is to hold two buttons and then hit the screenshot button while trying to steer when you can only have three inputs at once but whatever it’s not worth it seriously because it’s the only neat thing you can do and it’s like “meh, whatever.”  Then you gun out of gas eventually (totally not clear on how to get more gas) and when you run out of gas this happens:

"unf"

Because everyone knows that when you run out of gas your car flips over and you get crushed (the fuck in half).

On one hand, I sort of miss the times when games had no context and you were just thrust into the action.  On the other hand, this cost someone’s parent $90 and fuck that. This is the least I’ve ever played a game for this project, because I honestly think I experienced everything I need to know about this game in the four minutes it took for this to happen.  Really.

HAVE YOU NO SHAME, MINDSCAPE?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s