Pinnochio

How could Disney, with all its wisdom, fail to capitalize on such a ready-made game mechanic as nose-grappling? Pinnochio’s ability to elongate his nose whenever he tells a lie could have shaped this game into something more like Bionic Commando. That would have been cool. As it is, this game is alright. I mean, Disney Interactive does the same thing in just about every game, seemingly with the same engine: way too much animation and not enough gameplay. Pinnochio can walk the incredibly elaborate walk but when it comes to actual fun, this game misses the mark by a fair margin. That being said, it does compare favourably to most other Super Nintendo games.

At first glance the game appears to be an attempt at a non-violent side-scrounger. You are charged by that evil whore of a fairy to strike out and find enough shit so that she’ll use her wand on you and something super great will happen. You can’t hurt anyone, except by unleashing your geese. The first time I unleashed my geese, I was like, “well this game has potential.” After that, it stopped being fun. The only violence you can commit in this game is indirect; you can trick someone attempting to hurl potted plants at you to hit a ball-carrying bully. Doesn’t solve any problems, but it can be satisfying. There’s no real explanation as to why everyone seems to want to hurt Pinnochio. Probably a Frankenstein sort of situation in which everyone hates a being that “should not be” until it turns out that they are armed with a blue-eyed innocence.  People are fickle.

Take that, you abomination!

So, non-violent. Until the blueberry-scarfing wench of a fairy comes up and magics you into a stupor. At that point, a child molester gives you a reach-around and you’re smack dab in the middle of a dance contest! But before that, in the service of good story-telling, Jimminy Cricket has to defend a lamp against the never-ceasing assault of insects who, unlike him, do not wear hats. So, he smacks them about something furious, ending the games non-violent portion. Then Jim Crick decides it’s time to take a look at the moon, presumably thinking about exposing himself to wooden children.

The dance contest Pinnichio engages in is awful. It’s like that Simon toy without the coherence and with way more racism.

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