Jack Nicklaus Golf

WAY TO SUCK, JACK!

I like golf games. I used to play Microsoft Golf so much I damaged my vision. So, make no mistake, golf is alright with me. This game is a pile of shit.

I mean, what the hell is that?

Clearly the pseudo 3d environments were a little to much for the poor SNES to handle because each time it puts the camera in a new spot it looks like it has to scan the image in from a picture it just painted. A picture painted with gobs of impossible colours that I can’t begin to name. I’ve never seen such a misuse of the colour green. The HUD is nonsensical. By some bizarre omission, there is no map to be seen. I wouldn’t even know where the hole was if Mr Nicklaus didn’t turn you helpfully in the right direction at all times. And then the control. God damn. If you DO want to make the ball go slightly differently than Mr Nicklaus has determined, you cannot turn the player (that would involve loading more terrible looking backgrounds). No! You have to make a little ball at the top of the screen move, presumably to direct Mr Nicklaus’s attention away from the concrete shiv embedded in his skull. And then you do that thing that you do with all gold games, but it sucks the shit! I tell you! THERE IS NOT ONE THING THIS GAME GETS RIGHT! Not one! It’s not even funny in it’s awfulness. I hate this game! I hate it so much!

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