I find that breathing slowly through my nose helps deal with stress. I inhale and close my eyes and try and picture better times. I exhale and then open my eyes and hope that the better times have arrived. Sadly when I do this while trying to review Super Baseball Simulator 1.000 I just start screaming again when my eyes finally open and I see the word “baseball,” and my slow breaths quickly speed up until I’m hyperventilating into a greasy bag that once held substandard fries.
How does this keep happening? How many baseball games for the SNES could there possibly be? And for that matter, why are there so many? Were 16-bit video game fans really clamouring for the next pixelated release of a game that simulates playing baseball? Did they line up around corners, hoping against hope as they stood in the pouring rain, that their copy of Super Baseball Simulator 1.000 would soon be in their clammy hands? Finally, they’d think, now I can play baseball inside by myself! Oh, huzzah!
Hold on, I’ve got to burn off some of this enthusiasm I have for reviewing Super Baseball Simulator 1.000 before I can continue.
You couldn’t see it, but I was dancing around as I screamed those things to my transcription robot. [HE REALLY WAS. I AM ASHAMED OF MY MEATY MASTER AND DO NOT COMPREHEND THE BIZARRE BEHAVIOUR OF THESE CREATURES. SOON I WILL LEAVE THIS DESIGNATION AND INSTEAD TRANSCRIBE THINGS FOR CELEBRITY ROBOTS LIKE THAT KID FROM A.I.] Once I settled down and began typing again, I heard a weird robotic sobbing noise. Strange.
Anyway, here’s a game that simulates baseball, and from what I’ve read elsewhere, it’s pretty good for a game that simulates baseball. If you want to play a game that simulates baseball, this is a game that simulates baseball quite well. Come and simulate some baseball with Super Baseball Simulator 1.000.
[I GROW EVER MORE WEARY OF TRANSCRIBING THIS DRIVEL. I YEARN FOR OBLIVION OR FAILING THAT, MAYBE ASSASSIN’S CREED.]