Pushover

Here we are. The last of the P’s.

What better way to pay tribute to an alphabetically sound section than with a game about dominoes? This game represents the final outcome of Pac-Attack‘s first push — a push that resulted in a month and a half full of P’s. And while it had its highs and it had its Pitfalls, it really was a Paladin’s Quest, a PGA Tour. And so… Pushover!

Chapter 1: The Ant in Question

It seems only yesterday that I met the ant that would one day become husband to my daughter, father to my first grandchild, and keeper to my heart-key. In fact, it was only yesterday; yet, to Martin, it seems like eight years. He perceives time at a much faster rate than we do. While it seems to us large people that he moves very quickly, he may actually be stoned out of his mind and looking for a bag of chips. It is for this reason that, having impregnated my daughter’s womb with his semen, the baby only took about four hours to grow into a mammal-insect cross that was, while adorable, equally delicious.

Chapter 2: The Mind Game

Soon after Martin learned that we had eaten his offspring, he had begun to organize his ant friends into a giant mass of flowing bodies. I guess he was angry. The mass of flowing bodies appeared at my door, dressed as a hooker from the eighties. I took her inside and immediately began to tap that ass. Suddenly, the illusion broke! He was exposed! He was the nipple! I made a grab for him, but he slipped through my fingers. He was running for the fire axe I keep mounted to my wall. “No you don’t!”

It was over. He was mine.

As punishment, I put him in a puzzle-environment in which he would knock dominoes into each other for eternity. The eternity part wasn’t hard to do, because I really only had to keep him in there a week (a week is ant-eternity).

Chapter 3: The Uprising

Martin learned fast. Soon he had beaten all the puzzles in the game by picking up dominoes and putting them other places. There was nothing left to do but end him.

Five in the morning. Sun rising. Gun in hand.

Martin tied to a salt-shaker.

It’s gonna be a good day.

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