Star Trek Starfleet Academy

The thrilling space adventures continue

Have you ever dreamed about being at the helm of a spaceship? I know I have! Granted, the helm of the spaceship was really secondary to the main thrust of the dream (naked alien ladies), but it was still an exciting and enjoyable experience. Star Trek Starfleet Star Trek Star Star Academy Bridge Star Simulator Trek is not an enjoyable experience. It’s boring. Really boring. Allow me to explain. Please?

One of the potentially enticing aspects of commanding a spaceship would be the thrill of spaceflight, taking the role of a starblind pilot winging their way through barely navigable fields of planetary debris, death a few inches away.

In this Star Trek game you get to fly slowly around rainbow buoys*. So there’s that. There’s also a combat simulator, where you can attempt to get a ship to appear in a field of black so you can miss it with green phaser(?) blasts. Fantastic.

Sooner or later I’m going to have to sit down and just watch some Star Trek. I’ve avoided it all these years in an irrational and stubborn manner, adamantly refusing to watch it because I “should have” done so already. I never saw the appeal from the few episodes of the various series, but maybe I need to sit there from the beginning to understand why people find the show so appealing. Human-looking English-speaking aliens seems like the most boring way to go in a show set in SPACE, but whatever. It couldn’t be more boring than this game, surely.

This is the most overdue review ever. I don’t know how to finish it because I have nothing to say about this game. My words, for once, fail me. All I can say is that if you’re a Star Trek fan, you might find something to keep you busy here. If not, you’re not going to want to play this at all.

Why do Klingons have ridges on their heads?

* If you tell people that you were just “flying slowly around rainbow buoys,” they might ask you to stay away from their children.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Crossroads of Time

CROSSROADS

I don’t pretend to know a great deal about Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

(Call me racist, but I didn’t watch it because I thought the aliens looked ugly.)

He's ugly. It's an objective fact.

But if it involved a bunch of guys walking around a spaceship and talking the whole time, then consider this game a job well done!

ACCESS TO OUTER RING TEMPORARILY DENIED
ACCESS TO OUTER RING TEMPORARILY DENIED