Mr. Nutz

Mr. Nutz is a rappa. I know because I saw him call me to throw down… ya know? He went, “chiggy” with his wrist all “whaaaaaaat?” and I was like, playa, no!

You know those guys who like to whip their hand forward as if they are about to spit a verse but never get around to it? Those guys who think they’re Fred Durst all cleaned up and looking for love tonight in a lonely city? These are the same guys who crack their fingers against their other fingers to display that they enjoy something. I think Mr. Nutz is one of those guys…

If you aren’t holding anything and you press the throw button, he does, like, a little “puh, whaaaat,” if you know what I mean. I find this entertaining. I jump on those little plum-style grapes and make ’em melt like they do and then I go, “oh, no… no I didn’t!” But it’s cool, cause I’m being ironic. And so is Mr. Nutz. He’s the kind of guy who would know all the lyrics to the song “Semi-Charmed Life” by Third Eye Blind because he’s just SO 90s like that. But he’s also the kind of guy who likes nuts. He likes them so much, he’s willing to jump on anyone to get some of them.

As is usual with platformers, the enemies are enemies only insomuch as they unwittingly collide with Mr. Nutz. I put to you, if you were walking along, and some dude jumped on your head, would you know ask the question, “why me?” Well, unfortunately for you, it was because you were a purple plum and you were underneath some treasure. Sure, Mr. Nutz could have avoided you, but that’s not the point of the game. Actually, you may argue, as those who defend the GTA series do, that you could actually go through the game without hurting any of these poor plums. On the other hand, you wouldn’t get nearly as much coin. I mean that in the non-countable way. Coin as the plural. Like sand.

Anyway, the point is, I like to jump on things. And when I’m not jumping on things, I’m watching Mr. Nutz jump on things.

As a concluding thought, I’d like to mention that Mr. Nutz is perhaps a fitting name for an anthropomorphic squirrel that fights wasps at the same time as walking fruits. Mr. Nutz is right. More like Mr. Freudian Nightmare.