Holy shit this is a trippy game.
Players move like the Flash greased with pork fat, gaining momentum and rocketing around the half-court with only a tiny blue arrow to mark their location. Everything moves faster than normal, the music stutters and is off-tempo, and the whole thing is just horrible.
If there’s anything that we should have learned from NBA Jam, it’s that normal sports games are boring and masturbatory, in a bad way. Sports games should involve fire, yelling, explosions, superhuman feats, and aggressive combat mechanics which result in grievous injury, preferably animated either with amusing cartoonified pain sounds or disgustingly realistic CSI-style zoom-ins and exploding organs and splintering bones. Look at Mario Strikers. This is a soccer game where you can shoot homing missile turtle shells, grow to twelve times your original size, and kick a dozen flaming balls at the goalie, each one a potentially scored goal.
This game, in contrast, has little, possibly even no fire involved. Terrible. What’s the point?
EVERY GAME... EVER 