TNN Bass Tournament of Champions

Sadly not the precursor to Guitar Hero.

Fish are boring. The pursuit of fish is boring, and often, futile. So what brainiac thought it’d be a good idea to faithfully replicate this experience and put it in a videogame? TNN Bass Tournament of Champions consists of taking your boat out onto the water, picking out a spot, watching, waiting, and catching nothing. It is terrifyingly realistic.

OH GOD NO PLEASE

I would be curious to know the statistics surrounding fishing-related deaths each year – just how many people fall asleep, capsize, and drown when participating in this “sport”? How many people are literally bored to death? Fortunately this game is not portable; it’s 16-Bit Lemsip:

DO NOT OPERATE HEAVY MACHINERY DURING OR AFTER CONSUMPTION.

If you played this while driving a wheat thresher you would not come out the other side. Well, you would, but…

MAKE THE HURTING STOP

What kills me most is the central conceit behind the two most boring games on the planet: golf, and fishing.  Both are so-called “gentlemen’s sports” – constructs devised by bored husbands to escape from their wives and families.  Which brings me to my threefold scariest question of all:

  1. What sort of terrifyingly boring family would drive a man to do this?
  2. What sort of terrifying boredom would drive a man to make a game about it?
  3. And what sort of terrifying boredom would it take to drive a man to play that game?
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