Super RBI Baseball

The catcher might be experiencing a bit of "foul play"

It was only a matter of time before I flew too close to the metaphorical sun curiously labeled “enjoying SNES games” and got horribly burned. My face was seared off by the light of games that were fun to play and interesting to write about and my eyeballs melted out of my face to pool on the ground like the spilled innards of Cadbury Creme Eggs™, the delectable chocolate treat that I might have just ruined for you.

No, all good things must end, and in some cases they must end in a maelstrom of fury, curse words, and me crying a little bit when I read the word “baseball.” It’s time to review Super RBI Baseball, a baseball game for the SNES. A SNES baseball game! I’m about to explode with the novelty.

Everything you could want to simulate The Most Boring-est Game in the World is here at your fingertips! You have the ability to throw screwballs, fastballs and highballs (you have to unlock the “Angry Players’ Wives” part of the game for that last one). You can run around the bases, or steal them and drive them to a local pawnshop where they’re beginning to realize that you’re just trying to pawn off stolen baseball gear and if you didn’t know any better you could swear they wrote your name down and then looked at each other meaningfully and one of them went to make a phone call…maybe you should learn about that eBay thing Uncle Rick was going on about before he got shot?

You like graphics? This game has some! Thrill at stunning digital depictions of all your favourite players, none of whom I’m going to bother to list! You like music? Gasp in incredulity and maybe even shock as some music plays from the stadium, the tiny orchestras of the game world ceaselessly churning out choons for your enjoyment! You like different modes of play? Acknowledge the fact that you can have a tournament or an exhibition and you can save season progress with a password!

If you lined up all the SNES baseball games and made me play them one after another (please don’t), I doubt I’d be able to remember which was which; they all run together for me, a giant puddle of stuff that I’m not particularly interested in. I think this one is average for a SNES baseball game, but if you’re a baseball fan, you’re going to have to play it to find out what a baseball fan would think.

I hate baseball.