Sim City

More like SimShitty, amirite? (Probably not)

Let me tell you a story about Sim City.

I’ve never once been successful at it. Ever. This spans for almost my entire gaming career. I can’t figure out why. My girlfriend, who loves Sim City in all its forms, once claimed that my issues with Sim City were “bizarre.”

Here’s what happens.

I start up a town and call it something stupid. Maybe “Stupidtownes”. I zone some areas for whatever… industrioresimercial. I make some roads. I build a power plant and set up water lines. Then I wait, and no one comes. At all.

At first I thought there was something I wasn’t getting. When I rented the SNES version as a kid I’d just load up towns and enjoy that you could get Bowser to smash them. Actually… that’s all I’ve ever done with Sim City. Pick a scenerio. Smash the town. It’s the only thing I can make work.

Ha ha... motherfucker went straight for the fire department.

Maybe this feature is in Sim City just for people like me… people who can’t seem to attract little digital citizens to take up residence in their green squares. I don’t even pretend to understand it. But really, it’s pretty fucked up.