Cloverfield monster, step aside! Terror knows a new king.
Of course, I am speaking about Ren, of Ren and Stimpy. The noun Ren, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is found in use as early as 1325 and means “a run” or “a course.” Well, I say that’s fucking boring. Let’s look at the verb. Used as a verb, Ren means to expedite, or to hasten. This explains why there is a goddamn time limit on the levels. His very name necessitates speed.
But I take issue!! If I’m going to be pushin’ around a squirrel who is clearly stoned out of his mind, I don’t need a time limit. And when you’ve got a minute left, it speeds up the music tempo. HATEFUL. Let me take my time! And why is this donkey of a som-bitch jumpin all over the place, trying to get me killed?
Where’s the motivation? Where’s the story? Am I supposed to CARE about this rat? Does he care about me? Would he, having nothing better to do, poop in my cereal? Probably! What are we teaching our kids?
There is no OED entry for stimpy, but I’m pretty sure it just means dumb. To use it in a sentence, that dude looks stimpy. ‘Cause he does. The troll team over at Urbandictionary.com has defined “stimpy” as “To think you know anything and everything, [sic] when infact [sic] are [sic] mostly wrong.” What the hell does that mean?
Applied to Ren and Stimpy Show: Veediots, these definitions create a powerful overtone of justice and misery. On the one hand, you have a mouse who clearly had too much PCP or something and went for a walk. On the other hand, you have a donkey who really wants to be his friend. Enter ennui. The mouse cannot please the donkey, because, of course, the mouse cannot fake true friendship. The donkey must resort to violence in order to please his hunger for love. The mouse is baked.
Existentially, the characters are in crisis. Neither can satisfy, nor discount the other’s needs. They are at odds, and reliant upon one another.
The outcome is chaos. Chaos and mediocre platforming.