Pocky and Rocky

You know that old stereotype about how racoons and androgenous Japense children don't get along?

Hey, wait a minute. Pocky and Rocky is sort of awesome. Since when? I don’t know how this escaped me (yes I do, I was much more stupid and impatient [which is amazing because I’m pretty impatient] when I was a child [three sets of brackets should illustrate that I’m just as stupid too]).

But really.  I was always sort of under the impression that Pocky and Rocky was a cutesy beat’em up.  It turns out that it’s not though.  It’s basically like Guerilla War for the NES except in ancient japan and also you can be a racoon.  Of course!

It’s a shmup (a “shoot them up” for the uninitiated)!

Now, I’m not really much of a fan of shmups. The aforementioned impatience means that I have little tolerance for dodging bullets and beams while chipping away at screen-sized whatevers for points. BUT, what I DO like are games like Guerilla War which is to say Smash TV but in a larger play-area with twists and turns instead of just going “up” forever. Is that a thing?  Is there a fun little shorthand for those? Schmulti-directionals?  Because you don’t go up?

Anyway, what’s important here is that there’s some peril or something and a boy (girl?) and his (her?) racoon have to go solve the problem.  Between his (her) booksmarts and card-throwing ability and his uncanny skills at getting into your garbage even though you thought a cinderblock on the lid would have kept him out but then he developed a pulley system with his friends on the fucking roof because even though racoons are adorable they’re also garbage-eating pricks… this mystery of why woodland creatures are turning into dicks (not literally) can easily be solved (one hopes!).

And so out you go into the woods or something. Fighting spirits. With leaves and cards. I’m starting to wonder generally if there’s some Japanese folklore that suggests some child with a deck of cards will save their civilization. But the gameplay in Pocky and Rocky is tight. You can shoot, melee, and dash. There’s a big screen-clearing attack.


So it’s better than I thought.  Now if I can just HOLD ON FOR A WHOLE DAY (or more) I CAN SEE WHAT TRAVIS THINKS OF POCKY AND ROCKY 2 AND I BET THAT HE WRITES SOMETHING BETTER THAN THIS (or at least with way less things in parentheses).