Metal Combat

Here come more robots!

This is the easiest game I have ever played. It’s so easy I’m bored of it.

The training portion of this game lasts a whole 5 levels and takes almost 10 minutes. First they teach you how to shoot one energy ball. Then they teach you how to shoot a bigger energy ball. Then they teach you how to shoot an even bigger energy ball. Then they teach you how to use the bomb. And they teach you how to block shots (you shoot them!). All of this doesn’t matter. The whole game can be won without any difficulty by shooting the bad guys in the chest repeatedly.

They make it impossibly easy for you. The bad guys don’t even fight back when they’re being shot. The energy bolts seem to disrupt their energy systems. I was able to take them all down without even taking one shot.

And after they have exploded several times, they, in traditional Japanese fashion, berate themselves at having lost with horrified looks on their faces. They looked so pitiful. I didn’t have the heart to keep disappointing these poor men. They would say things like, “I am the best ever!! How could I have LOST????” And I would titter and say, “Poor baby.”

But then again, I only got about halfway through the game, to where they reveal the mad twist (the main bad guy isn’t actually the main bad guy!! Sheeeeeee-). So maybe later the enemies figure out a way to counter the just-keep-shooting-them strategy. I dunno though. It seems pretty unbeatable.

The dialogue is also pretty funny:

We can't be flying robot fighting machines. Some of us are, it's true, only human.
Don't we all feel like that sometimes?