Lethal Enforcers

It's not actually easier to see what's happening when it's in motion. That dude is behind a window, which apparently makes him look like a ghost.
It's not actually easier to see what's happening when it's in motion. That dude is behind a window, which apparently makes him look like a ghost.

It wasn’t as hard to get this game to work as I thought it’d be. Not that I’m saying I was illegally emulating it or anything, but if I were it would have been pretty easy. Just turn on the… vindicators or whatever the peripheral is called. Then you get to play a game that is based on real photos, on your SNES.

Was it worth it, stupid? Are you proud of yourself? You are playing this game. On your SNES. It looks like eight piles of turds. But you just had to play it, didn’t you? Well, good job. Amazing. You are seriously the master of everything. I’m sure there’s some way to run it on MAME, or, you know, find an actual cabinet out there somewhere. But, why do that when you can play an emulated version of a port of a light gun game and instead of using a MOUSE, or a LIGHT GUN, you get to use a DPAD?

This was a weak idea for a piece: berating someone for playing this particular version of this particular game using this particular platform. But the point still stands: from a historical perspective, the SNES ROM for Lethal Enforcers is beyond irrelevant. Just don’t bother with it, ever. The only reason to have this ROM is if you, for some insane reason, are one of those obsessive foks who must have EVERY one at their fingertips. The only reason to play it is it you are obsessive about playing all of the games, despite the fact that that would be stupid. And, the only reason to write about it is because you are super charming.

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Lester the Unlikely

lestertheunlikely-title

Before I dove in on Lester the Unlikely, I decided to do a bit of internet research (a.k.a. “procrastination not involving browsing for pornography or YouTube videos of kittens falling asleep…come on, I mean, awwwww…”) on the title in question. The premise, as it turns out, is that the main character, a young man of notably poor posture, falls asleep while reading his favorite generic superhero comic book at the local docks, and finds himself accidentally whisked aboard a ship on its way out to sea. Poor choices in reading locales aside, the ship ends up under attack by pirates, and Lester manages to swim to safety at a nearby island.

So, now we end up with our good boy Lester trying to manage his way off the island. But lo! Lester, having rarely left the safety of his parents basement (well, other than to read comics at docks among the swarthy sailors, apparently), is scared shitless of just about every hazard he encounters. The first time he comes across a creature or obstacle, he’ll either run away in fear or jitter in place for a brief period of time, only to slowly approach afterward in trepidation until such hazard is dealt with (usually by kicking it until it’s dead). This, combined with some unique character animations, add a bit of personality to the whole deal.

Sounds good so far. Color me intrigued.

lestertheunlikely-kickingthings

Gameplay, on the other hand, turned out to be a fairly bland platforming experience. Enemies tend to be either fairly easy to handle or simply frustrating, with little in between. Levels are fairly short. Puzzle elements, if you dare call them that, are usually very simple (i.e. take object “A” to point “B”, move onto the next area). Almost every islander you come across just wants to chuck spears at you, and, really, that just seems racist.

Color me unhappy.

Anyway, I don’t want to leave on such a sour note today, so here’s a kitten falling asleep.

lestertheunlikely-kitten