Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball

Look at the pipes on this son of a bitch.  Look at them.  It's like a...like a goddamn plumbing jamboree in there.
Look at the pipes on this son of a bitch. Look at them. It's like a...like a goddamn plumbing jamboree in there.

Baseball games apparently come in two kinds:

  1. The kind where you press a button to throw balls, and you press a button to hit balls, and you hold a direction to throw balls there.
  2. The kind where the torque of your pitcher’s wrist is actually statistically important and your pitching options take up half the screen, obscuring the pitcher himself.

This is the first kind, blessedly.

Nonetheless, after one inning it was 9-0 for the Packers, who apparently employ a team of cyborg weightlifters programmed specifically to hit homeruns like they were talking back.

The intro was far more entertaining; a close up of Ken’s zombified pixel-eyes, with quick cuts to greater and greater zoom distances, each cut accompanied by a robotic buzzing sound (further reinforcing my cyborg theory) until ending with Ken, in all his glory, posed for the title screen, his grin a little sickly, his eyes staring outward in slightly different directions.