Jetsons: Invasion of Planet Pirates

Look at those colours.  It's like a purée of cereal boxes.
Look at those colours. It's like a purée of cereal boxes.

There is something about bright 16-bit graphical representations of licensed content that makes my stomach turn a bit.  It doesn’t matter what it is, or whether the game is good, but I look at it and I want to stop looking at it.

The Jetsons is particularly hideous to behold in this way, despite the fact that it is kinda well rendered; I imagine this is because the cartoon itself makes me nauseous. It summons up memories of ingesting three towering bowls of incredibly sugary cereal while watching Saturday morning cartoons.  The feeling of corn syrup and 2% milk churning in my gut, sometimes with the added distress of mulched Captain Crunch lacerating everything from the esophagus down, is probably one of my most intense childhood memories.

The game is actually quite fun.

This is because you have a vacuum gun that is, for all intents and purposes, the gravity gun from Half Life 2, only way better, because you can suck enemies into it and shoot them out, and use it to grab onto the walls and wall-jump or wall-climb with 16-bit proto-Newtonian physical precision.  The puzzles are pretty similar, as well, although I’m not sure why you can assemble ramps from blocks when you can just suction your way up the side of something.

I couldn’t play it very long, though, because every second I looked at the screen, I spiralled further and further down towards a kind of apocalyptic memory-relapse-driven gastrointestinal grudge match between Toucan Sam and Count Chocula, and I don’t own a real mop.