Hardball III

More dithering than a Geordie child at Christmas. LOOK IT UP.
More dithering than a Geordie child at Christmas. LOOK IT UP.

I promise, no genital jokes. Hhhhhhardball. Bbbbbaseball bat. Nope, I am out of dirty jokes for today.

I like baseball enough, I guess. I can watch it on TV. The constant struggle between pitcher and batter is a game of wits as much as it’s a game of strength; sure, one man can throw a fastball 100 mph and the other can knock it 500 feet over a 10-foot wall, but who knows if the pitcher will throw that heater? He might go off-speed to mess with you. Alternatively, that hitter might bunt, or sacrifice fly.

CONTACT VS. FASTBALL FIGHT!
CONTACT VS. FASTBALL FIGHT!

Hardball III confuses me. There’s too much stuff going on in the menu screens. It also seems to only have three pitches: offspeed, fastball (perhaps two fastballs, I can’t tell), and slider or maybe a curve. What kind of offspeed pitch is it? THIS MATTERS. Knuckleball? Spitball? Palmball? Changeup? What kind of changeup? A circle changeup? Is it an eephus pitch? Where’s the Japanese pitch representation? Where’s the shuuto, the gyroball? If the curve is indeed in ther (I have forgotten since playing), is it a 12-6 curve? Is there a slurve? A breaking curve, or breaking slider, or any breaking ball for that matter?

All I know is, as with almost any baseball game ever made (excluding BASEBALL for the Game Boy), when I pitch the computer hits, and then the computer pitches I miss. Forget that.

To be honest, this game actually seems pretty great, for a sim baseball game released in the 90s for a 16-bit entertainment system. There’s depth, to be sure, and the Toronto Blue Jays are incredible, which I can get behind. Even if they call Juan “Where will the ball go this time” Guzman their main pitcher (guy led the league in wild pitches in ’94, I think). Whatever. I’d play again.

Relieved that the review from Brilliam wasn't scathing, this umpire decided to celebrate with a combination airplane motion/poop.
Relieved that the review from Brilliam wasn't scathing, this umpire decided to celebrate with a combination airplane motion/poop.
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