The Flintstones: The Treasure of Sierra Madrock

flintstones_derek_margot_moki

While surveying the site of some ancient ruins, two young archaeologists, Derek and Margo, and their nomad friend Moki, find themselves trapped and sinking in a whirling pool of sand.  And when the dust settles, they stare up in awe at a vast chamber, filled with giant relics and artifacts from another civilisation…And there, at the far end of a cavern, a door with a strange inscription!  ‘All who enter these portals pass…through…time!’[1]

HANNA-BARBARA’S

GREATEST ADVENTURES:

THE FLINTSTONES:

THE TREASURE OF SIERRA MADROCK

flintstones_hubbub

MARGO: Where are we?  It looks like we’re in a clandestine gathering…of men…in a cave.  The strong scent of manliness; it’s almost too much for a woman to handle.  Quick Derek, tell us what this is before I pass out!

DEREK: Hmmm…they appear to be cavemen, Margo, and judging from their common headdress, I’d say you’re right.  This *is* a clandestine gathering of men, perhaps the earliest incarnation of the Freemasonry.

MOKI: All I know is I want one of those funny hats!  Look at those horns!  Is that blue cotton candy it’s made of?  Mmm…cotton candy!

MARGO: I believe it’s called ‘fairy floss’ in parts of the British Commonwealth–

DEREK: Quiet Margo, Moki!  It looks like the leader’s about to say something!…He says he’s the Grand Poobah, and he’s retiring.

flintstones_poobah

MARGO: I wonder who will become the new–

DEREK: Wait!  There’s more…he says whoever finds the Treasure of Sierra Madrock will become the new Grand Poobah!

MOKI: Treasure?!!  What are we waiting for?! That hat looks delicious, let’s go!!

DEREK: Not so fast, my nomad friend.  We can’t interfere with the timeline.

MARGO: Why not?  It’s never stopped us befo–

DEREK: SHHHHHHHHH!! It looks like we already have two volunteers, one who calls himself Fred Flintstone and his short companion, Barney Rubble.

MOKI: Oooh! I saw them on TV one time!

DEREK: Don’t be silly Moki, this is real life, not a cartoon!  And besides, you don’t even have TV where you come from!

MARGO: Actually, this *is* a cartoon, and Fred and Barney are from the studio next doo–

DEREK: SHHHHHHHHH!! There’s no time to waste!  We have to follow them!

MARGO: Will you stop interrupting everyone, you jerk?!

DEREK: Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that, what was it you were saying, Margo?  Try speaking into my other ear in future.

MARGO: Sorry, never mind…

DEREK: Good. Well there’s no time to waste!  Let’s go!

MOKI: Yippee!

MARGO: It looks like they’re taking turns rolling some kind of six-sided rock, with Arabic numerals on it…

DEREK: That would be a primitive die, Margo – not to be confused with its plural, ‘dice’ – and they’re rolling to decide which area they’ll go to.

MOKI: Ooh, craps!  Can I play?

DEREK: No need for profanity, Moki!  Besides, we all know that craps is a game of two “dice”.

MARGO: This is strange…my notes say the Flintstones were a modern Stone Age family, but there’s nothing ‘modern’ about this at all – no cranes; no insinkerators; no nothing.  Fred’s just running and jumping around the jungle like a primordial wonder, clubbing every dinosaur in sight!

flintstones_primordial_wonder

MOKI: DINOSAURS?!! Help!

MARGO: Oh, Moki!  Whatever will we do with you?

MOKI: But, but!–

DEREK: What on Earth! That Flintstone character just died, but now he’s back at it again!

MARGO: There he died again! But he keeps getting up and going for it!

DEREK: He’s not getting very far, though.  At this rate, we’ll never see the Treasure of Sierra Madrock!

MARGO: And that means…

MOKI: No blue cotton candy hat for Moki! Hurry Fred, hurry!

MARGO: It seems Fred is being resurrected against his will.  He doesn’t want to go on, but some one or some *thing* keeps dragging him out of the dirt.  And look at that HUD!  Derek, I have reason to believe we are in a video game of some k–

DEREK: Oh, don’t be silly, Margo!  Dinosaurs; cavemen – what more proof do you need that this is…haha, come on, Moki, what did you do with Fred’s–

MARGO: TAAAAAKE THAT!!

DEREK: *OOF!*

MARGO: AAAAAND THIS!!

DEREK: *AGHHHH!!*

DEREK:

MARGO: Was “club” the word you were looking for?  Oh, I’m sorry, did I just YELL INTO THE WRONG EAR?!

DEREK: *UFF!*

MARGO: That oughta teach you not to interrupt my sentences, Know-it-all Jerk! Come on Moki, let’s go home…

MOKI: Yahoo!

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Football Fury

Sports, I guess. By Sammy, apprently.
Sports, I guess. By Sammy, apprently.

Game like Football Fury truly scare me in respect to this site. We’re only at the letter F right now in this list (actually, we’re at G: I am doing Football Fury a week or two after its due date to make up for one of the three people who decided not to actually finish the stuff they’d been assigned. I thought I’d be above digging them for this but I am irritated). Yet, already I feel like I am running out of amusing or special or entertaining ways to talk about the also-ran who-cares sports titles. I mean, Football Fury? Really?

But that’s the point of this site. To write about every game (at least, in North America on the SNES) is our very purpose. Whether we touch on the game or not (note that I mentioned this as I’ve skirted this game so far) is why we do it. That, and sometimes, having a deadline and a topic makes it easier to write. And writing makes it easier to get in the habit of writing. And it amuses us. And it amuses others, sometimes. I’m honestly happy to see Travis and Scott writing when the moon is any colour other than blue.

I’m all digressing up in this bitch. Football Fury? Really? What is there to say? There’s football. I don’t have many football stories left. I suppose I have two, but I’ll save them. Surely I’ll hit a few more football games by the time we get to “NFL Quarterback Club 96.” What is there to say? The name has “fury” in it. Some dudes hit each other to get a ball in an endzone. Someone gets more points than someone. A player is either happy or mad. There’s a lot of green on the screen.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go watch a movie where someone drowns after attempting to fish for spirits using a pickle on a string. This is a fact.