Blues Brothers

Even the title screen sucks!
Even the title screen sucks!

I cannot adequately put into words the pain I am suffering trying to remember playing this game. My brain has already repressed the memory so deeply into my subconscious that I can scarce remember the past few minutes of horror.

Blues Brothers is another instance of the classic formula:

1) Select a franchise that people like.

2) …

3) Profit!

Are you serious?  I can't describe how sad this is.
Are you serious? I can't describe how sad this is.

Step 2 consists of a haphazardly slapped together platform game where you throw fucking records at fucking monsters. Why? WHO KNOWS!?! What does it have to do with Blues Brothers? Less than fucking nothing! But hey, the sprites will dance on the screen if you stand still for 10 seconds, and the music is sorta, kinda, maybe blues-like. Except it’s terrible. This game is one of the worst franchise rapes I have ever played. And I’ve played Shaq-fu.

Toss me the record!  No, not that one, douche!
Toss me the record! No, not that one, douche!

There’s not much else to say. The only fragment of a redeeming quality the game might possibly have is that it supports two player simultaneously. However, torture for one is still torture for two. Oh, and if you throw your fucking records at each other, you can catch them. Fucking yay. Maybe if you slapped on some game genie codes, and got really, really, REALLY drunk, there might be a few minutes of amusement there. Maybe.

Verdict: This game is easily replaced by mass amounts of self-dickpunchery. And you’ll enjoy that more. Oh, and you could possibly use it to induce epileptic seizures. Or maybe it could be interesting stoned. Or maybe… maybe the developers were brain donors. Then again, they called themselves Tit-us, so clearly they relate to small, witless fish. Meh.